Write a Better Online Personal Ad
By Tracy Brant at Dateable.com
If you are going to invest
time or money in using a matchmaking website, you should really pay some
attention to writing a profile that will get you some responses. People
will not be interested in emailing you if you do not do something to
make yourself stand out from the masses of people using personal ads.
I administer several dating
websites. People frequently write in saying, "I never get any replies to
my ad." And when I go look at the ad, I find that they have not filled
out the profile, or added a photo. Who can tell if they want to email
you if there is no information? Not quite as bad, but still ineffective,
is a profile that says, "Email me for details" or "looking for a nice
person." You can't bother to write a paragraph to find the love of your
life? Or even a fun date for the weekend?
Here are some guidelines for
writing effective personal ad blurbs:
INVESTMENT. Decide that this
is worth spending some time on, or don't bother. You wouldn't submit a
sloppy resume, would you? This is about making a good first impression,
because there will be no second chance once someone clicks to the next
ad.
MARKETING. You are marketing
yourself... trying to stand out in a crowd. You are the "product." and
the people you want to meet are your customers. Think about who you want
to meet, and then think about who THEY want to meet! How can you tell
them that YOU are the person they want to meet? Magazine ads, for
example, grab your attention, make you laugh, they make you think "wow,
what a great thing... I want to buy it." They can be short, but pack a
punch. If they are long, they tell a good story. Marketers test their
different ad campaigns, and you should, too. Try placing different ads
to see what gets you a better result.
PREPARATION. Before you log in
anywhere, do some thinking and writing. Don't wait until you are faced
with a blinking cursor to write your blurb. Give serious thought to how
you will describe yourself and the person you hope to find. Write at
least two paragraphs, one about yourself, and one about the person you
seek. Ask someone you trust to read those paragraphs and comment on how
well they reflect who you are and what you want. Save that text to cut
and paste into dating website forms. Have a digital photo or two ready.
OPENING LINES. Use your
username... don't be Bob3456... be PaintBallPrincess or SecretSuperHero
or something else that reflects your sense of humor and yourself. If the
ad allows you a "subject line" also use that well... "Need woman in
Atlanta" doesn't cut it. "Atlanta man on a mission" sounds more
interesting. "Atlanta Knight seeks his Queen" tells a different story
about who you are seeking. Use your username and subject line to hook
people into your ad. Use humor, drama, a funky metaphor. Then, like any
good ad, you want to show them you are what they need, show them why you
are unique, and invite them to take action... by emailing you!
DETAILS. Write in complete
sentences. Spelling and grammar DO count. We have modern tools to help
with that. You want to look like you find this task important enough to
spell out the words. Unless you are 15 years old, writing "If u r
inrested n me, wrt 2 me" makes you LOOK 15 years old. ALL CAPS IS LIKE
SHOUTING... don't. It is actually harder to read.
HONESTY. If you are not honest
with yourself and others, you will not find happiness in the personals.
Are you married? You know, people CAN figure that out and will resent
the lie more than the wedding ring. Without making any value judgements,
putting down "married" will not necessarily stop you from finding
matches. If you are just looking for a casual date, don't imply that you
are looking for marriage just to get more email... it wastes everyone's
time. If you are looking for a long-term thing, don't think you can
"convince" a casual date to spend more time with you. You are asking for
disappointment. Try completing this sentence: "In a year, I'd like to
see us doing...."
STRINGS. Guys, I see many you
making a crucial mistake in your profiles. You will find that women are
seldom looking for a "no strings relationship." There simply is no such
thing... if it is a relationship, it has strings of SOME sort. If you
don't want strings, you are looking for an escort service. Women of any
description can find casual physical relationships without lifting a
finger to a keyboard. Don't lie, but think about which "strings" are
okay with you. "Seeking Torrid Summer Romance" is fine and honest. So
is, "I am not eager to move in or get married. I want to have a regular
date for parties and cookouts with my friends." Ladies, this counts for
you, too. If your personal ad sounds like you might be offering paid
sexual services, you are going to get some rude offers. You might avoid
phrases like, "looking for a wealthy man with good taste in jewelry."
BEYOND PHYSICAL. Have you ever
really dated someone just for their eye color? OK, maybe you have
spectacular eyeballs. But ads tend to reel off personal stats... and
then stop there, as though there were nothing but a body. Most personal
sites let you click things to describe your eyes, hair, and height...
don't waste valuable profile space on your hair. Talk about who you are
first, and what you look like at the end. Want to know the number one
thing surveyed women look for in a guy? A sense of humor.
AVOID NEGATIVES. This is not
the place to list all the things that drove you crazy about your ex and
how you won't put up with that again. Don't list what you don't want...
discuss what you DO want. Turn your own lifestyle quirks into positives,
not obstacles. Workaholic? Try, "My career keeps me very busy, so I need
someone with a flexible schedule for spontaneous one-day adventures."
Frugal to a fault? Try "I find it amusing to squeeze a nickel 'til it
screams... help me research for my web column "CheapDates for
CheapSkates." Worried people will regard your children as an obstacle?
"My family is very important to me and I hope to find someone that will
enjoy the attention of a warm family circle."
POST A PHOTO. Website
statistics show that an ad with a photo is 80% more likely to get a
response. A photo that shows you relaxed and having fun, no matter what
you look like, is even better. Don't use a photo that isn't current.. it
isn't worth looking so insecure, or being rejected later. Don't rush to
ask for a photo... you may look like a "pic trader," someone who is
collecting photos rather than looking for a real date. Don't stress
about your looks... attraction is about more than looks. Yes, we often
are first attracted to someone by looks, when we meet in person. But on
the Internet, if you seem like a jerk, you won't get the chance to meet
in person.
LIFE STAGES. People often say
that "age" is not as important as "life stage." Where are you in your
life? Just starting out in a new career? Settled into life with kids?
Empty-nesting? Exploring new interests? These are things that matter.
Talk about what is important in your life. "I am established in my
career and now turning my attention to the great books I never had time
to read." "I moved to this state for a job after college, and I am
looking for dates with a lot of outdoors-loving friends to help me build
a sporty new social circle."
FAVORITE THINGS. Listing ALL
your favorite things is dizzying.. Choose one good example and talk
about why you like it. Choose something that gives the reader an insight
into what you enjoy. You want people to be able to spot things you have
in common, but also feel that there is something new and interesting to
learn about you. Interest them in learning more with a "teaser" about
something fascinating about you. Ask a question for them to answer in
the reply email.
RULES. Never... NEVER include
your last name, phone number or address. Observe the rules of the
various websites... some do not allow you to post web addresses or email
addresses. Many prohibit crude language or sexual references. Getting
your ad removed by breaking rules is a waste of time.
So... let your personality be
shown in a tasteful way, take the time to do a good job, and have a good
photo. Those things alone will put you far ahead of the misspelled
anonymous pack. Best of luck!
© Dateable.com LLC 2002
___________________
About the author: Tracy Brant is a freelance writer and an editor at
Dateable.com. She can be contacted at
tracy@dateable.com.
Dateable.com is an exciting online community for singles, couples and
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http://erika1959.dateablesingles.com
The Internet is packed with a dazzling array of dating and sites
services. Some of these are of fantastic quality, offering exciting
and often mildly addictive methods for contacting and meeting people
you almost certainly would never reach in the normal scheme of things,
some are run on a much smaller scale, offering little more than a
"post-your-picture-and-see-what-happens" service. There are also those
services (which are exclusively free) which are little more than yet
another way of getting your details so that they or their commercial
partners can attempt to sell you products. Let's be clear here;
there's nothing wrong with these "fun" sites, some of them are
appealing and a great diversion, but if you're looking for a life long
spouse, you're probably going to search on long time if you limit
yourself to this last type of site.
Do's
And Don'ts When Choosing A Dating Site
Do
-
Post a profile - if you're a heterosexual woman, you'll get a
large number of responses, especially initially. It's worth doing
this whether you're a man or a woman, because even if you've
contacted someone yourself, the person you've contacted will
probably want to find out a little about you before going any
further and the easiest way of doing this is to be able to be able
to click on your profile.
-
Be prepared to contact other members, ESPECIALLY if you're a
heterosexual man. Men outnumber women significantly on internet
dating sites, so if you are male and choose only to post a profile,
you may not get a large number of responses. Take the initiative and
contact the people you like, but check out the site's database to be
sure there is a sufficient number of high quality contacts to be
worth your while before shelling out money.
-
Try to find out as much as possible about member statistics
before you commit yourself. We've found that some sites are more
than a little liberal in their interpretation of how many members or
users they have. Calculations can include the number of members that
have ever subscribed to the site or even the number of "hits" the
site has had. What you're interested in is the number of active
members on the site; that is, the number of people who are actually
using the site on a regular basis - a common rule of thumb for
defining "active" is those who've visited the site at least once in
the last 30 days. Many sites don't lay this information out for you
(they are especially cagey about their male:female ratio), but you
can get an idea by doing a search for the type of people you're
looking for, then checking out individual profiles for information
about when they became members or when they last visited the site.
Dont
-
Turn your nose up at smaller specialist sites e.g Latino, asian
sites. These are often good value for money, sometimes have special
features (e.g Spanish/English real time chat translation), and if
you're looking for someone with particular characteristics, these
sites may do the job better than the more generalist sites.
